dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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