apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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