low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
