As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
