I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
