Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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