Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
