It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
