and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
did i walk over a car last night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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