if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
