I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
