wakey wakey hands off snakey
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
