i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
