I hope mine doesn't look like that
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
