the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
