Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize