I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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