Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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