She's JV to your varsity
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
