he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
