I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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