What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize