I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
