You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
