The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
