Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
