Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
