Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
