not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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