its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
