I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
