he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
