thus making me awesome and them whores
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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