good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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