Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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