The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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