I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
