There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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