my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
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