The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
