And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it because I queefed?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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