I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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