It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
