I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
