and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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