I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
