Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
