when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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