Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
