i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize