Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
