we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize