Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think your dad took our porno
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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