and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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