guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
