You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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