Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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