Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize