I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
