Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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