Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
