I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
