There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize