who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
