Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
