You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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