Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
zippers are such a cool invention
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
