So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
