somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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