So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
