Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize