You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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