Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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