It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
