I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
