we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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