My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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