Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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