I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
