Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is classic penis vs brain.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize
