someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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