Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
