sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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