I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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