I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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