Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
