Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize