if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
