its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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