some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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