I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
