I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
