My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
is wine microwaveable?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
