the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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