I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
