No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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