where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
